A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

What is a Christian Marriage?

 What is a Christian Marriage?

What Is It That Makes A Christian Marriage Different?

Marriage has gotten quite a bad reputation over the years. The butt of a seemingly infinite number of jokes, matrimony is a source of endless social commentary, gender politics, and governmental debate.  A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.Michel de Montaigne. And Ambrose Bierce said; Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

In recent years, marriage has fallen upon particularly hard times. Fewer and fewer people are choosing to marry. In fact, less than half of current modern households are made up of married couples. The percentage of people who have never married is growing while the number of couples living together without marrying is increasing exponentially.  Meanwhile, more and more children are born to single mothers.

So, What Makes A Marriage A Christian Marriage?

Clearly, Simply Being Religious Or Professing Christian Beliefs Isn’t A Cure-All; It Doesn’t Guarantee A Long-Lasting, Blissful Marriage.             To answer our questions, we must look at the essential elements of Christian marriage and see how they differ from other approaches to the marriage relationship.

The bible says ….. “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. In these verses, Paul compares the relationship between husband and wife to the relationship between Jesus and the church. This has incredibly important implications for the nature of Christian marriage.

Marriage is a covenant in the Church. It is not only a very special moment for the two of you; it is also a sacred event for all of us. These guidelines are part of the efforts to help you enhance the sacred character of your wedding. Guidelines reflect the Church’s desire to celebrate your wedding as an integral and welcome part of the church’s worship life. Each couple is expected to reflect on the beauty and the richness of marriage from the perspective of Christian faith. This will include what the Bible has to say about marriage as well as the church doctrine concerning the covenant of marriage and the moral issues of marriage and family. The Christian Church believes that Christian marriage is the union of a baptized man and woman who freely enter into a covenant of love with each other in Christ for the purpose of giving and receiving love and for the procreation and education of children.

Married couples live their covenant by the way they care for one another, love one another, and are enthusiastic for one another as husband and wife. In their daily love for each other, their children, and the larger community, they become a living sign. Jesus loves us and wishes to embrace us as His brothers and sisters. As they work their way through marital and family crises and struggles, they are witness to the power of the Holy Spirit at work in all our lives. In order to live out this ideal Christian marriage, couples must have the ability to give and receive love and to sustain an intimate relationship. They must also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and His Body, the Church.

Preliminary Planning

At least six t o eight months before the tentative marriage date (18 months in the case of a prior marriage), couples should call the local church to register for formal preparation. This will allow sufficient time for preparation, not only for the wedding celebration, which will last a short time, but also for the marriage, which will last a lifetime. Couples are asked to make only tentative wedding arrangements. No firm dates may be set until the assessment process has been completed and the decision to proceed has been made by the pastor assisting at the marriage.

Before a marriage, couples will be expected to spend time with the pastor, married couples, and other engaged couples, discussing marriage plans and expectations and receiving instruction concerning various aspects of marriage and family life. Arrangements are made with each couple.

New Covenant Emphasis

In the previous description of Christian marriage we note several new emphases:

• Marriage is a covenant relationship (I will love you unconditionally), and not just a contractual relationship (I will love you if you love me).

• The principal goals of marriage are the mutual love of husband and wife and the openness to new life.

• The sanctity of marriage has two important community dimensions:

1) Couples, by their love for each other, become living signs of how God loves us and how he wants to embrace us as family.

2) A Christian wedding is a celebration of the entire Christian community and not simply a private family function.

• Marriage enables a couple to sustain a close intimate relationship.

• A Christian marriage assumes that a couple has a relationship with Christ and His Church.

Culture And Marriage

These statistics raise questions about the value and meaning of marriage in contemporary world culture. Changes in reproductive technology, shifts in cultural attitudes about sexual morality, and the apparent failure of marriage as an ideal relationship. But from romance novels to reality TV to movies, unrealistic expectations and false understandings about love, marriage, and romance are easily perpetuated. As a result, both those seeking out a marriage partner and those trying to stay in a marriage relationship struggle with misunderstandings of the definition of that relationship itself. So, can the Christian faith make a difference in this understanding and the quest for a meaningful marriage?

The Covenant Of Marriage

Christians approach marriage as a covenant, a relationship based on promises and commitment, not just feelings—though love is most certainly involved. The concept of marriage as a covenant is rooted in the Hebrew faith, and early Christians preserved the belief as well. God’s covenant with Israel was founded on his promise to be faithful to Israel. The Hebrew people promised faithfulness to God as well, though the Bible doesn’t hide that they struggled—and often failed—to keep that pledge. Like God with the Israelites, Jesus established what he called a “new covenant” with his followers. To speak of marriage as a covenant is to say that the partners make mutual promises about the way they will choose to live in the future, not just declarations of how they feel in the present. The endeavor to live into those promises—remaining faithful to their covenant—will shape their characters over the years.

Christian Love

Christian marriage is also distinctively based on agapē, the Greek word used in Jesus’ teachings and early Christian writings to describe the kind of love God expresses to human beings.  Agapē has nothing to do with the fanciful concepts of romantic love upon which so many modern cultural marriage myths are founded. Despite how pleasurable such feelings may be at the outset of a relationship, they seldom have the staying power to withstand a lifetime of ups and downs—the “for better or for worse” of matrimony. Agapē is an entirely different concept, so important that Paul devoted a whole section of his first letter to the Corinthians to defining it. You may have heard a well-known phrase from this section: “Love is patient, love is kind.” Paul then goes on to describe as a sacrificial way of loving others. This kind of unconditional love—or an active striving to live out this kind of love daily—marks a genuinely Christian marriage, just as it characterizes an authentically Christian life. It is found in an active choice one makes about how to behave toward another, not a conditional feeling one has toward someone. Agapē is based on the deliberate choices of the lover, not the responses of the beloved.

Christ-Centered Marriage

Perhaps the most distinct characteristic of Christian marriage—which makes the other two possible—is that it is intentionally centered on Jesus Christ. Each spouse continuously works to know, love, and obey Jesus, and to follow his example. In this way, husband and wife learn how to express Agapē and remain faithful to their covenant. As they practice the Christian faith together, they move toward each other, growing together in love and unity.

But what about a marriage in which only one spouse is a follower of Jesus? Could that marriage ever be a “Christian marriage”?

Paul actually writes about such a case in 1 Corinthians 7:12–16.21 He urges the believing partner to stay married to their unbelieving spouse because of the believer’s influence on their partner and children. One person who is seeking to follow Jesus Christ, learning to live out of Agapē, and keeping the promises of the covenant brings Christ’s presence into the marriage.

Constant Pursuit

Christian or not, marriage is difficult for any couple to sustain over a lifetime. Life’s trials—the pressure of making a living, of parenting, of resisting temptations to unfaithfulness or selfishness—can strain any marriage. But Christian marriage offers hope. The hope that a husband and wife, by intentionally choosing to learn how to love faithfully and sacrificially as Jesus did, may keep their covenant promises for a lifetime.

Special Circumstances

1. Inactive Christians…. In the event that one or both of the parties are not active in the practice of their faith, additional sessions will be provided to help them become active again as practicing Christians.

2. Marriages of Young People… If either of the parties will be under 18 years of age at the time of the wedding:

A. At least six months must elapse after the completion of the Primary Marriage Preparation.

B. Parental consultation and completion of the canonical free state form must take place.

3. Pregnancy… If the couple had not planned to marry, pregnancy, of itself, will not be considered sufficient reason to enter marriage or to shorten the marriage preparation process.

4. Validation… If the couple has entered into a marriage outside the laws of the Church, a validation of the marriage is permitted after the couple has completed the assessment process of these Pastoral Guidelines.

5. Previous Marriage... Any previous marriage is an obstacle to marriage in a Christians Church. The parties must disclose to the pastor/Case Sponsor the facts of the previous marriage(s) in an effort to seek resolution.

6. Cohabitation… The Church has traditionally taught that sexual intercourse outside of marriage is contrary to the divine law. Times have not changed the Church’s teaching with reference to this particular matter. Those who come to begin marriage preparations and are living together will need to enter into specific discussion with the pastor concerning the marriage and the ceremony. Only after the matter has been discussed will the decision be made concerning the marriage and the nature of the ceremony.