When Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face. "Galatians 2:11 NKJV"
There are times when people get angry. It is not easy to be in a position where you have to make decisions that will affect the lives of other people and sometimes, it becomes hard for them because they do not see eye-to-eye with your decision making style or even if there was no discussion before hand on how things should go. The best way out would be confrontation which can prevent future burst of anger from both parties involved as well as creating an environment conducive for communication between people instead of avoiding each other like plague just because one does something wrong without knowing what he did wrong after all we're only human beings who makes mistakes every now and then but this doesn't mean that everything has been lost so don't give up easily.
PAUL confronted
PETER when he showed partiality to Jews over Gentiles, Why? To keep unity in the church. Sometimes you've
no option but to confront someone. The question is, 'How?' None of us are born
with the innate ability to do this, it's a skill only learned through practice
and patience. And the reason we're not good at it, is because we avoid it like
the plague. As a result, our relationships suffer and our problems don't get
resolved. The first step in preparing for a confrontation is to establish the
right purpose for putting the issue on the table. The focus should be on
achieving a better relationship.
This can
either involve getting someone to stop doing something, or start doing
something. At no time should your goal be to tell someone off, or get something
off your chest, or lay a guilt trip on them. So it's important that you first
confront yourself.
Be honest
about why you’ve decided to confront the issue. Do you have an ulterior motive
such as resentment or wounded pride, or do you want to see a genuine change in behaviour?
You need to ask yourself, 'When this confrontation is over, what behaviour do I
want to see the offender change?' Remember, in effective confrontation you are
looking for a desired outcome and a win-win for both sides. 'A brother offended
is harder to be won than a strong city' (Proverbs 18:19 KJV). If a person knows
you truly care about them and are seeking to glorify God in the situation,
you're more apt to get the response you seek.
'A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.' Ecclesiastes 3:7
NKJV
CONFRONTING
AT a time when the person is most receptive takes wisdom. Wife, when your
husband first comes home from work, give him space before you bombard him with
the problems of the day. Husband, don't wait until you arrive at the event to
tell your wife you don't like the outfit she's wearing. Tell her when she can
do something about it. And you should make every effort to confront a person
when he or she is alone, just as Jesus commanded: 'If your brother sins, go
and show him his fault in private' (Matthew 18:15). Confronting someone in the
presence of others can cause them to become
defensive in order to save face. Your goal is reconciliation, not
embarrassment. If you have something 'heavy' to tell someone, it's not a good
idea to have the confrontation at their house or yours-select a neutral
location. That way it will be easier for the person being confronted to
leave the scene if he or she becomes belligerent. And there's always the
possibility that this could happen. Sometimes you have to temporarily lose
people, to win then later. 'He who rebukes a man will find more favour
afterward than he who flatters with his tongue' (Proverbs 28:23 NKJV). Note the
word 'afterward. If you don't get the immediate response you desire, you can
still win - especially if you pray and allow the Holy Spirit to work in a
person's heart. But you must be willing to take the risk and confront the
situation in order to bring about the change you desire. If you don't,
things will remain the same or get worse.
"Lord, you have searched me and you know me...you perceive my
thoughts. PsalmPsalm 139:1-2 NIV
JUST AS a
body builder develops a great physique by using the correct weightlifting
techniques, you must apply the right techniques to achieve the desired results
in resolving your conflict. No athlete attempts to lift heavy weights or engage
in intense exercise without first warming up his or her muscles. The warm-up is
crucial to the workout, as it minimizes the risk of injury and increases
overall muscle performance.
Similarly,
preparing for confrontation is almost as important as the confrontation itself.
Confronting someone spontaneously or without preparation can have disastrous
results. Preparation allows you to look at the situation more clearly and
not in the midst of an emotional moment, and will most likely lead to a more
effective encounter. This would be a good time to pray: "Lord
you have
searched me and you know me...you perceive my thoughts from afar...Before word
is on my tongue you know it completely'. It’s important that you first deal with
your negative emotions, such as anger or resentment. While you may deem
them justifiable, if you don't 'release them' by the power of the Holy Spirit
they will become a roadblock to achieving harmony. And you must also refuse to
succumb to the fear of addressing the issue, lest you abandon the entire notion
of initiating confrontation. God can work on both ends of the line. While you
are praying and preparing your heart, He can prepare the other person's heart.
There is deceit in the hearts of thou who plot evil, but joy for those who
promote peace. (Proverbs 12.20 NIV 1984 Edition),
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