SOLVING YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS

Top Strategies for Solving Marital Problems

 Top Strategies for Solving Marital Problems

All couples have problems, but not every couple is able to work through them. These are the top strategies to solve your marriage problems, no matter what it is that is causing the troubles.

1. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE

Concerning marital problem solutions. Communication is the secret to a lasting relationship. All healthy and happy marriages keep their communication lines open.

If you are trying to solve your marital problems, you should not stop communicating with your spouse. Openly discuss the issues you are having so that you can come up with a resolution together. If you just sweep it under a rug, it will only develop into something more serious in the long run.

strategies to help solve your marriage problems

2. RECOGNIZE WHEN YOU’RE IN A GRIDLOCK

One of the most common hurdles to solving marriage problems is when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye when it comes to your marital issues. One spouse is willing to discuss the problem and the other doesn’t find it a big deal.

When you’ve reached an impasse, it’s important to take a break. Forcing your opinion on things won’t change the situation. By taking a break, you allow time for each of you to put things in perspective.

3. EXPRESS YOURSELF CONSTRUCTIVELY

When you are in an argument with your spouse, it is easy to let your emotions take over. You could end up saying hurtful things that only worsen the problem instead of fixing them. Try to avoid this route whenever possible.

When discussing your marital problems, focus on being constructive. It is also important to stay on-topic and not to bring up previous issues.

4. BREAK THE CURSE OF FAMILIARITY

Married couples that have been together for a long time have this false belief that they know each other deeply. However, this can often be the root of the problem in a relationship.

Never stop asking questions or attempting to get to know your partner. This will help you understand their needs better and help avoid conflict, or understand their perspective when it comes to discussing issues within your marriage.

There will be less conflict in your relationship if you know where your partner is coming from.

5. MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER

When you are solving marriage problems, you need to approach them together and decide on the best solution as a couple. One spouse cannot be authoritarian and make decisions for the both of you. In fact, this is something that causes marriage problems in the first place.

By making decisions together, you can both be at ease knowing that you’ve considered your partner’s feelings and concerns. Avoid the urge to insist on what you want or doing things your way. Keep an open mind and encourage your spouse to voice their opinion.

If things start to get heated between you in an argument, think of ways to deescalate the conflict and try to keep things light.

6. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR SPOUSE’S FEELINGS

Have you ever experienced opening up about your feelings and then having those feelings shut down or dismissed? It’s not a good feeling. It makes you feel undervalued and unnoticed.

You don’t want your spouse to feel this way. If you are trying to resolve conflict within your marriage, you need to encourage one another. Give your spouse a chance to speak up and make their feelings known. Even if you don’t agree with them, don’t dismiss their feelings. Instead, try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they feel that way. Look at what you can do to address those feelings. That is what couples in healthy marriages do.

7. UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S NOT A COMPETITION

It is not uncommon for spouses to feel the need to ‘win’ an argument. It feeds their ego and makes them feel good about themselves when they prove their spouse wrong about certain things.

You should not solve your marital problems with this kind of attitude. Often, if you win an argument, your relationship loses. This should not be about who wins or loses; focus on fixing issues in your marriage so you can both be happy and healthy.

8. KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

This might sound like an obvious tip but most couples who are fighting find it difficult to stay positive. Successful couples are the ones that can maintain a positive perspective throughout their relationship even when dealing with marital issues.

The fact that you and your partner are taking steps to address your problems is a good sign. This should inspire you to stay positive about the future of your relationship. Hold on to that positivity and find ways to save your relationship, especially if you both agree that it’s worth saving.

9. GIVE YOUR PARTNER SPACE

Most spouses are so desperate to resolve issues within their marriage that they end up smothering their other half. However, taking this approach when you are dealing with marriage problems will only make things worse.

Give your spouse the space to think and reflect. It will also give you the opportunity to look at things from their perspective. When you give each other space, you don’t act based on emotions but rather on logic and reasoning.

solving marriage problems

10. GET COUNSELING.

Counselling is a great way to solve marriage problems. It will involve a few sessions only, and is a great way to address issues within your relationship on a neutral ground. You can also get the guidance of an expert so you can work out the cause of the problem.

The secret to success with counselling is to follow through with the plan. Any consultation you’ve done with a therapist will be of no use if you have no accountability and don’t follow through with it. It is important that both spouses take accountability for fixing their marital problems.

If you think counselling is expensive, it’s definitely cheaper than divorce! Plus, if you are serious about solving marriage problems, this is one of the best ways to go about it.

 

How to overcome challenges in your marriage relationship

Observe gospel standards, such as praying daily as couple and as family, attending Church and paying tithing.

Value covenants to each other above all other loyalties. Approach problems with the idea of how problems will be resolved, not whether they will be solved.- Set aside time on a regular basis for discussion. Almost any problem can be discussed if approached in the right spirit.

Be united in dealing with children; do not allow them to become a wedge between you.

Realize not all issues may be solved; you may need to agree to disagree.

Remember that most serious family problems arise from finances. Therefore, determine a budget, live by it and save some money.

Keep your problems confidential. Share them, as necessary, with appropriate Church leaders.

Remember that if professional counselling is needed, make sure the counsellor is understanding of and sympathetic to gospel principles and will tailor counselling according to those principles.

Encourage the development of your spouse's talents and interests; this makes for a more contented partner.

Eliminate criticism. Resolve to pay your spouse at least one compliment a day. Build each other up.

Allow for human imperfection; cut your spouse some "slack."

Be slow to anger. If a situation becomes too heated, declare a "time-out" for 30 minutes.

Do not carry grudges. Face problems as they arise, and do not allow them to fester.

Maintain a sense of humor; it can make all the difference in the world. furthermore, checkout 10 strategies to help solve your marriage problems

Additional Information

How to checklist

1 Value marriage covenants; be committed to each other.

2 Pray together; apply counsel found in the scriptures.

3 Take time for each other; learn to communicate, listen.

4 Be sensitive to other's needs; express love; don't criticize.

How we did it:

Learn to compromise

some have overcome conflicts in marriage by following these five rules:

Do not criticize or blame - ever! Criticism or pressuring will never help you get what you want. Your spouse will only attack back or retreat from the relationship.

Ask for what you want - please. The words "please" and "I have a problem" are magical. When your spouse doesn't have to feel blamed or feel defensive, he or she is more likely to help you get what you want.

Compromise. It is good that people are different. We see situations in different ways. If we don't evaluate our spouse's needs as good or bad, then we can decide how we can compromise and both get things we want.

Appreciate each other every day.

Do the right thing and say the right thing. Our marriage relationship is much better because we are more frequently saying and doing the honest, right thing with each other. - Bruce Packard, Flagstaff, Ariz.

Find time

The most important thing is to establish communication. Many people just turn off; they don't hear the other person and they don't listen. The other person doesn't feel appreciated.

As a bishop, I counsel people to listen, talk and communicate. Before I was retired, I was a trial and appellate lawyer. When I came home at night, I wanted to get away from the telephone and controversy and I wanted to unwind. Of course, my wife had been facing struggles all day with the family. The challenge for us was to find some time to talk and visit. We found that if we got the kids to bed at a decent hour, we had at least an hour or two to ourselves. We then communicated, and I'd ask my wife what her day was like. This communication helped us grow close and helped us appreciate each other's problems.

In addition, being a bishop takes a large amount of my time. I have learned the importance of delegation so that I have time for my family. - George R. Hyde, Kensington, Md.

Talk without anger

As a newlywed, I did not know how to handle myself when my husband became angry. I soon learned that that was not the time to tell my side of the issue. I would listen and when he was through talking I would say, "I am sorry you are angry, but I love you anyway." I did not take any blame or excuse myself.

Later, when he had calmed down, we could talk about the problem without anger. - Gwen Sutton Robinson, Newdale, Idaho

Ask Lord for help

The first thing my husband and I do in problem solving is decide whether the problem is major or minor. If it is a minor problem, we forgive and forget. If it is a major one, we discuss our feelings and try to come up with a plan to solve it. Once it is solved, we promise to be fair to each other and not bring it up again.

Sometimes I have a hard time letting go of bad feelings. Then I take it to the Lord and ask for help and forgiveness. This helps me release my problems and start over with a clean slate. - Name withheld, Idaho

Laughed, cried together

My "one and only" and I have had our share of trials. I truly believe why we have made it through marriage that started at 17 years for me and 21 years for him is commitment. Our special day, Jan. 15, 1961, was a day that we both took very seriously. I gave him through patience and faith the sharing of the gospel. My husband joined the Church in the late 1960s, and our family was later sealed in the temple.

I wanted our love and marriage to be forever. Family was the uppermost important thing in my life. We have laughed and cried together. We have had our hearts hanging by a thread. Our first child, "My Sweet Lady," had cystic fibrosis. I knew she could live, but instead her life was taken from her when she was murdered. The effects on her sister, "Our Sunshine," and on "Our Number One Son" were unexplainable. Without the knowledge of the gospel, our commitment to each other, my patriarchal blessing, scripture reading, love for Heavenly Father, a testimony, friends and our callings, we could not have made it. We read in Mormon 9:21: "Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth." Through constant prayer and holding each other, as you can see, we have been blessed. Heavenly Father gives us the strength to endure anything. If we ask, He will see us through anything, including these types of challenges to our marriage relationship. - Rosalie Gibson, Topeka, Kan.

Apply scriptures

Realize we can't change anyone else. We only have the power to change ourselves. We need to evaluate ourselves to see if we are really satisfied with our own imperfections. Then apply the counsel given in Matt. 7:1-5, such as "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Other scriptures that help us with our relationships with others are the golden rule found in Matt. 7:12; 1 Cor. 7:3-5, being benevolent; Eph. 5:22-23 loving our companions as ourselves; and 1 Peter 3:7-10.

Solving marriage problems

Marriage is the most intimate relationship two human beings can experience, second only to a relationship with God. Marriage brings out the best and the worst in most people, as two separate individuals struggle to live as "one flesh" (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8). At the root of most marriage problems is selfishness. When one or both partners choose to live as though his or her needs deserve top consideration, conflict results.

There are specific verses that address behavior of both husbands and wives. Some of those are 1 Peter 3:1-8, Colossians 3:18-19, and Titus 2:3-5. Although not addressing marriage directly, Philippians 2:3-13 is an excellent recipe for resolving marriage problems. This passage tells us to adopt the attitude Christ demonstrated when He set aside His rights and privileges as the Son of God and came to earth as a humble servant. Verses 3 and 4 say, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." When that exhortation is applied to marriage, almost any obstacle can be overcome.

Certainly, seeking counsel from a pastor or Christian marriage counselor is a biblical thing to do (Proverbs 19:20). Getting counseling is an excellent way to clear misconceptions about marriage roles, to see a situation from another viewpoint, and to distinguish between God’s standards and those of the world.

Ephesians 5:21-33 gives specific instructions for both husbands and wives. A husband is to love his wife "as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her" (verse 25). Such self-sacrificing love creates an atmosphere in which a wife can more easily submit to her husband’s leadership. When a husband is committed to demonstrating love for his wife, and a wife is committed to graciously allowing her husband to lead, the marriage will work.

It is also wise to pay close attention to the verses just before the specific marriage instructions. Ephesians 5:19–21 says, "Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." check out the following on common marriage problems and solution

Notice all the commands that precede the marriage instruction. All Christians are to

• refuse to get drunk

• be filled with the Spirit

• encourage each other

• sing hymns and songs of praise

• have an attitude of continual worship

• live in a spirit of gratitude

• submit graciously to each other

We miss vital truth when we skip straight to the marriage instruction without applying the practical guidelines in the preceding verses. When each spouse applies those truths to his or her personal life and strives to make his or her relationship with the Lord the primary focus, marriage problems take a back seat. When two committed Christians purpose to seek God’s heart and follow His will no matter what, there is no problem that they cannot work through.